Did they ever reveal how Captain America was thawed? Because I’m picturing a bunch of Shield agents with hair dryers and I don’t think that’s quite right.I don’t think they’d want to microwave him so hair dryer is really the only remaining option. That’s how I’d do it.badscienceshenanigansDo you have a sciency way to accomplish this task?
Well, let’s see.
To thaw a 1.5 metric ton colossal squid frozen in a block of ice (the only way the fishermen who trawled the thing in could bring it home before it went bad), scientists put it in a big vat of brine just above 0 Celsius/32F. That allowed the fresh water to melt while still keeping the squid as cold as possible. Essential, since for a giant corpse with tentacles, certain parts are bound to thaw days before others and could become quite rotten before the rest comes out of the ice block if you’re not careful.
HOWEVER Captain America was still alive, which complicates things. On the other hand, even supersoldiers are significantly smaller than this record-setting colossal squid. This helps thaw logistics somewhat.
Much like the squid, Captain America would have to be kept at a consistent temperature throughout his body in order to be thawed successfully. If his extremities were to thaw more than a minute or two before his heart and lungs were thawed and reactivated, the tissue wouldn’t have any oxygen and would quickly die. What a shame to bring back Steve Rogers only to have him be the poster boy for gangrene. Brain tissue becoming metabolically active before the cardiovascular system began functioning would be even more disastrous— possible permanent brain damage.
And the GH-325 project was born
To keep his temperature as equal as possible across his entire body, something like the squid brine or (more likely) an antifreeze solution would be used. Immerse the Capsicle in brine until the entire unit is within a degree or two of thawing* to begin Phase II.
*Note that due to presence of salts, fats, protein, etc, the freezing point of meat is actually 28-29F. Apologies to non-US readers, sadly I only work with American meat and don’t know the freezing point of corpses/beef in Sane Country Units. That being said, Steve Rogers is 100% American meat. Fahrenheit shall be considered the appropriate unit for this project.
At the thawing point, it’s important to consider life support functions. I don’t know how fast human tissue uses up oxygen at refrigerator-range temperatures, but I’m going to assume that the sooner you have oxygen circulating the better. A heart-lung machine would be needed to oxygenate and move the blood around for a while before the heart gets started back up.
Meanwhile, because Captain America’s last un-frozen moments were spent deep underwater, there may be decompression issues at play. Whatever gas bubbles may have been present in his tissue are currently frozen in place, but when he thaws they can move about and create embolisms —> the bends. Better put him in a hyperbaric chamber just in case.
Since Captain America regained consciousness in a recovery room rather than during the thaw process, it may be safe to assume that he was sedated and/or placed in a drug-induced coma during thaw.
So at this point we’ve got a giant bathtub of brine, a heart-lung machine, oxygen canisters, lots of drugs, plus all the necessary monitoring equipment all inside a hyperbaric chamber. After thawing the antifreeze bath could be replaced with gradually warming water or saline solution in order to bring Captain America back up to normal body temperature. So many machines! This is US medicine at its finest.
Forced warm air blowers (hairdryers) are needed after Captain America is fully thawed, organ systems are reactivated, and he is brought back to normal body temperature. At this point it becomes necessary to dry and style Captain America and put him in period-appropriate jammies to sleep it off in a vintage hospital room. If you think hearing the wrong baseball game tipped him off fast, you should see him wake up with bad hair.
THIS IS THE BEST POST IN THE HISTORY OF EVERYTHING.
That being said, Steve Rogers is 100% American meat. Fahrenheit shall be considered the appropriate unit for this project.
Have you ever read anything about Han van Meegeren, the man who forged the Vermeers? He’s fascinating, and there are a couple of decent books about him.
LET ME YELL A LITTLE TO THE INTERNET AT LARGE ABOUT MY LOVE FOR HAN VAN MEEGEREN
HE COMBINES ALL OF MY FAVOURITE THINGS
- SAYING “FUCK YOU” TO ART SNOBBERY
- CON MEN WITH HEARTS OF GOLD
- TECHNICAL SKILLS USED IN THE COMMISSION OF HILARIOUS CRIMES
- ART HISTORY
- TERRIBLE THINGS HAPPENING TO NAZIS
THE BEAUTY OF VAN MEEGEREN IS THAT HE STARTED FORGING VERMEERS BECAUSE CRITICS HATED HIS ART (WHICH WAS ADMITTEDLY KIND OF TERRIBLE) BUT THEN WHEN HE STARTED PAINTING VERMEERS HE STUDIED THEM REALLY HARD AND LEARNED ABOUT AGING TECHNIQUES AND PAINTED THE SHIT OUT OF SOME FAKE VERMEERS
AND OKAY MAYBE HE CHEATED SOME PEOPLE BUT I’M SORT OF INCLINED TO FORGIVE HIM BECAUSE IT’S NOT LIKE THEY WEREN’T RICH ENOUGH TO TAKE THE HIT AND THEN
HE SOLD A FAKE VERMEER TO A NAZI BANKER WHO SOLD IT TO HERMANN GOERING
WHO GOT HIS JOLLIES STEALING ART FROM AND THEN BRUTALLY MURDERING THE ENTIRE JEWISH POPULATION OF EVERYWHERE HE WENT
SO FUCK GOERING.
AND AFTER THE WAR VAN MEEGEREN WAS BROUGHT UP ON CHARGES OF COLLUDING WITH THE ENEMY BECAUSE HE SOLD VERMEERS TO COMMANDER SHITHEAD OVER THERE
AND VAN MEEGEREN WAS LIKE
"Naw bro that was a fake I just brought tons of legit art and money into the country by cheating Nazis with a bunch of forged paintings."
SO THEY LOCKED HIM IN A ROOM AND SAID IF YOU’RE SO CLEVER AND THOSE REALLY WERE FAKE, DO IT AGAIN
AND WITH DECADES OF HIS FREEDOM AT STAKE
HE PAINTED A VERMEER
"Jesus Among the Doctors" aka "Young Christ in the Temple" aka "SCHOOLED YOU LOL" please note still kind of a shitty artist, you make the baby Vermeer cry
SO HE WAS ALL *MIC DROP* BUT THEN HE HAD TO PICK THE MIC BACK UP BECAUSE HE WAS CHARGED WITH FORGERY AND SENTENCED TO A YEAR IN PRISON.
BEFORE THE SENTENCE COULD BE CARRIED OUT HE DIED, WHICH IS SAD
BUT HIS SECOND WIFE GOT TO KEEP ALL THE PROCEEDS OF HIS DASTARDLY DEALINGS BECAUSE OF LEGAL DOODAHERY AND THAT SET HER UP FOR LIFE
SO BASICALLY HAN VAN MEEGEREN: SHITTY PAINTER, GOOD HUSBAND, EXEMPLARY CON MAN, MADE HIS BONES CHEATING NAZIS.
At a lecture I was giving in a large West Coast university in the Spring of 2008, the female students talked extensively about how much they preferred to have a completely waxed pubic area as it made them feel “clean,” “hot” and “well groomed.” As they excitedly insisted that they themselves chose to have a Brazilian wax, one student let slip that her boyfriend had complained when she decided to give up on waxing. Then there was silence. I asked the student to say more about her boyfriend’s preferences and how she felt about his criticism. As she started to speak other students joined in, only now the conversation took a very different turn. The excitement in the room gave way to a subdued discussion on how some boyfriends had even refused to have sex with non-waxed girlfriends as they “looked gross.” One student told the group how her boyfriend bought her a waxing kit for Valentine’s Day, while yet another sent out an email to his friends joking about his girlfriend’s “hairy beaver.” No, she did not break up with him, she got waxed instead.
Two weeks after the waxing discussion, I was at an East Coast Ivy League school where some female students became increasingly angry. They accused me of denying them free choice in their embracing of our hypersexualized porn culture, and being the next generation’s elite women, this idea was especially repugnant because they saw no limits or constraints on them as women. Literally two minutes later, one of the students made a joke about the “trick” that many of them employ as a way to avoid hookup sex. What is this trick? These women purposely don’t shave or wax as they are getting ready to go out that night so they will feel too embarrassed to participate in hookup sex. As she spoke, I watched as others nodded their heads in agreement. When I asked why they couldn’t just say no to sex, they informed me that once you have a few drinks in you, and are at a party or a bar, it is too hard to say no. I was speechless, not least because they had just been arguing that I had denied them agency in my discussion of porn culture, and yet they saw no contradiction in telling me that they didn’t have the agency to say no to sex. The next day I flew to Utah to give a lecture in a small college, which although not a religious college, had a good percentage of Mormons and Catholics. I told them about the lecture the previous night and asked them if they knew what the trick was. It turns out that trick is everywhere, including Utah.
I tell this story because, on many levels, it neatly captures how the porn culture is affecting young women’s lives. The reality is that women don’t need to look at porn to be profoundly affected by it because images, representations, and messages of porn are now delivered to women via pop culture. Women today are still not major consumers of hard-core porn; they are, however, whether they know it or not, internalizing porn ideology, an ideology that often masquerades as advice on how to be hot, rebellious, and cool in order to attract (and hopefully keep) a man. An excellent example is genital waxing, which first became popular in porn (not least because it makes the women look pre-pubescent) and then filtered down into women’s media such as Cosmopolitan, a magazine that regularly features stories and tips on what “grooming” methods women should adopt to attract a man. Sex and the City, that hugely successful show with an almost cult following, also used waxing as a storyline. For instance, in the movie, Miranda is chastised by Samantha for “letting herself go” by having pubic hair.